tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91721145574009448412009-06-16T06:39:37.962-07:00Constance the 111thhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16479599923005436442noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9172114557400944841.post-51992111825716730322009-01-04T10:04:00.000-08:002009-01-04T10:12:21.223-08:00My whole reason for starting this blog was the same one so many other people have. In every other social networking arena that I am a part of, someone from my real life knows it's me. And sometimes, I have thoughts that I don't really want to be attributed to me.<br /><br />For the most part, these thoughts center around my marriage and my level of happiness within it. I have been married for a certain number of years now, and I am not at all living the life I expected to lead. I am living somewhere that I don't like. I do not, as of yet, have any children, and if it were 100% up to my husband, it would stay that way. While we both have good jobs, we sometimes struggle for money. All in all, my life is not at all what I thought it would be when I got to be the age I am. And sometimes I wonder if I am truly happy. And then I think that if I have to question whether or not I am happy, that's a pretty good indication that I am not.<br /><br />I don't know if I just have unrealistic expectations. I am pretty sure that you are not supposed to spend half the time you are talking to your husband mumbling, "Asshole," under your breath. But I also know that movies and books paint a rosy picture of love that is just not found in the real world. I love my husband, and we are very, very good friends. But sometimes I wonder what would have happened if, instead of ending our five-year relationship with an engagement that led to marriage, I had ended it with an actual ending and moved somewhere new and started over and really reached for that golden ring on the carousel.<br /><br />Maybe I am just in the world's longest funk. I am a firm believer, however, that you make your choices in life and then have to live with them. So I keep on keeping on, but in the meantime, I have this secret place to get it all out. And that feels very good, indeed.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9172114557400944841-5199211182571673032?l=constancethe111th.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Constance the 111thhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16479599923005436442noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9172114557400944841.post-86325240828325673982008-12-17T22:36:00.000-08:002008-12-17T22:40:01.225-08:00I had just been lamenting the fact that my blog was no longer a private place to share my deepest secrets when I found in my Google Reader the blog <a href="http://constancethefirst.blogspot.com/">Constance (the First)</a>. Constance is a well-known blogger who has a public blog that is read by many, many people, including her friends and family. I am not a well-known blogger, but nonetheless, my blog is read by some people I know in real life, and I hesitate to use it as a true journal for that reason. Now that I have my own apartment here in the city, I will have an anonymous place to share those thoughts that I would never say out loud.<br /><br />I don't promise to post here often, but when I do, it will be real and it will be raw and it will be uncut. Welcome!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9172114557400944841-8632524082832567398?l=constancethe111th.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Constance the 111thhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16479599923005436442noreply@blogger.com1