Yesterday was my official moving day. It is completely surreal that my husband and I are separated and planning to divorce. I have a sort of pit in my stomach just thinking that we are no longer a part of each other's day-to-day. Although this was my choice, it definitely was not how I envisioned my marriage would end up, and while I thought I would feel better once I had moved out, I definitely feel worse.
Last week, I briefly tried out a couple of days of laxatives following my binges, but (A) I know that the health ramifications of taking laxatives are no laughing matter and (B) there is no way that they were counteracting the eating I was doing in any manner, so that little experiment is off the table. Today has been a good day full of good food and no feelings of being out of control. Here's hoping that tomorrow is more like that and less like the last month and half have been. I believe my total weight gain stands a roughly 15 pounds, which disgusts me and also makes me angry with myself.
I need to get my new home organized so I can stop just existing and start really living. It's so overwhelming and anxiety-producing, and I feel at a loss right now. However, it has to get better at some point...soon I hope.
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