Chemicals

So the process of moving out of my marital home continues. And the process of binge eating continues. I would say the moving is about 80% done, and the unpacking is maybe 40% done. The gaining of control over my eating has not yet begun.

When I was last with Sabrina and confessed to her that I had been engaging in binge eating for a month, her first question was whether I thought that was normal, I assume given the circumstances. My response was that I did not want it to be my normal. When I have mentioned to my friends that I am struggling with my eating, they have often responded, "Oh, that's normal. Don't be too hard on yourself." And I know that they are trying to be helpful, but that is not helpful. Actually, I don't know that there is anything a friend could say to me regarding my binge eating that would be helpful, but pooh-pooh-ing it is definitely not helpful. Anyway, this led to a bit of a discussion with Sabrina about the science behind binge eating. Later that week, a friend of mine mentioned to me a book called Diet Rehab that actually had to do with those very ideas. Therefore, I am reading right now about serotonin and dopamine and the roles they play in disordered eating and learning quite a bit. I don't know how I will implement this information into my life, but I am interested to see if there is a way that I can use healthy foods and behaviors to increase and keep more consistent my levels of serotonin and dopamine, as the book suggests, so as to diminish "bad" eating and gain control over food. I would love to get rid of the negative self-talk, which tells me, depending on the day, that I am not good enough, that I will never love and be loved again, that I am a big fat failure, and that I will never get over my issues. It would be great not to be telling myself those things anymore.


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