My whole reason for starting this blog was the same one so many other people have. In every other social networking arena that I am a part of, someone from my real life knows it's me. And sometimes, I have thoughts that I don't really want to be attributed to me.
For the most part, these thoughts center around my marriage and my level of happiness within it. I have been married for a certain number of years now, and I am not at all living the life I expected to lead. I am living somewhere that I don't like. I do not, as of yet, have any children, and if it were 100% up to my husband, it would stay that way. While we both have good jobs, we sometimes struggle for money. All in all, my life is not at all what I thought it would be when I got to be the age I am. And sometimes I wonder if I am truly happy. And then I think that if I have to question whether or not I am happy, that's a pretty good indication that I am not.
I don't know if I just have unrealistic expectations. I am pretty sure that you are not supposed to spend half the time you are talking to your husband mumbling, "Asshole," under your breath. But I also know that movies and books paint a rosy picture of love that is just not found in the real world. I love my husband, and we are very, very good friends. But sometimes I wonder what would have happened if, instead of ending our five-year relationship with an engagement that led to marriage, I had ended it with an actual ending and moved somewhere new and started over and really reached for that golden ring on the carousel.
Maybe I am just in the world's longest funk. I am a firm believer, however, that you make your choices in life and then have to live with them. So I keep on keeping on, but in the meantime, I have this secret place to get it all out. And that feels very good, indeed.
